Sexy Skier

There always has to be some controversy, doesn’t there? I flicked on the news today only to find out that someone is raising a stink over the current Sports Illustrated cover. The cover features a skier in a tuck position. She’s sexualized (“they” say). Frankly I think that is hog wash. She’s skiing, for crying out loud.
 
 
I photoshopped this woman, Lindsey Vonn, into some sexy scenes. Do you know what? She wouldn’t even raise a few eyebrows.
 
 

 
 
• Is Lindsey too sexy for her skis?
• Did you hear of her before today?
• Are you a fan of the banana hammock?

 
The peeved “someone” is Dr. Nicole M. LaVoi of WomenTalkSports. You can find her [controversial] opinion here.

Refrigerator Art

It’s been a while since I’ve showcased my daughters’ art. They love to draw daily using pens, pencils, markers and crayons. Sometimes they’ll paint or create little sculptures with “squishy” (Play Doh). I hope you will enjoy their recent sketches.
 
Natalie, age 7, loves to draw girls. She has a unique style, a steady hand, and is surprisingly quick at completing her scenes.
 
 
 
 
• Fashion Girls •

 
 
• Liv Dolls •

 
 
• Dancers •

 
 
• Love At First Sight •

 
 
• Project Runway Workroom •

 
 
• Making New Friends •

 
 
 
Pearl, age 5, draws whimsical scenes. She has a lot of confidence, and is always pleased with her results.
 
 
 
 
• She’s A Star •

 
 
• Fairy Love •

 
 
• Big Cat •

 
 
• Sweet Heart •

 
 
• Blue Princess •

 
 
• Sophie •

 
Thanks for visiting the girls’ gallery!

All Nighter at the Sleep Lab

It’s 9pm, and I’m going to an exclusive resort! Ok, I can exaggerate. It’s really a Sleep Lab, but I’m pretending to look forward to it. After all, I won’t have to put the kids to bed or listen to hubby choking on his phlegmy flu. I’ll even have cable tv. Score!
 
Driving at night in the drizzling rain, I definitely should have cased the joint by the light of day. One u-turn and my headlights reveal the correct address. I grab my overnight bag, lock the car, and enter through the rear.
 
“Good morning!” I don’t know who this guy is, but 1) he’s watching a person sleep via his computer; and 2) he’s delusional. I’m relieved when a cheery blonde says she will be assisting me. She leads me to my room, tells me to get comfortable, and promises to return in about an hour. Let’s channel surf!
 
I flick on the t.v. and it’s already perfect. E!’s Fashion Police! The fashion police are ageless Joan Rivers, beautiful Khloe Kardashian Odom, skin & bones E! News hostess Giuliana (I hope she takes her doctor’s advice and gains 5 lbs), and forgive me if I don’t know his name, some flamboyant man with gray/silver hair. Looks like he colored it himself with a spray can. Why don’t the other police turn on him?
 
My mind is numb with fashion do’s and don’ts. Where is my chipper nurse? I’m yawning here. She may have to wake me up for my sleep test. How ironic is that?
 
Knock, knock. Oh, is it morning already? I get a laugh out of the nurse, but seriously, I’m exhausted. Let’s get this show on the road.
 
I’m allowed to pee before getting plugged in, and the bathroom is just off my bedroom. See, it is a resort! Now I have to slide wires up the bottom of my pant legs and out the top of my shirt. Is this a joke? I’m not that flexible, but I manage. The electrodes are glued to my legs, chest, and head, two straps are placed snuggly around my chest (quite flattering on the bustline! The Fashion Police would approve!), tubes and wires are inserted into my nostrils, and a clamp is placed on the finger of my choosing. Middle finger, anyone? Clamp THIS, nurse. No disrespect, ma’am. I’m just showing you which finger to clamp.
 
Sweet dreams!
 
I flick off my t.v. and prepare to rest when the nurse’s voice scares the crap out of me! There is a speaker in the room so I can hear her, but due to a malfunction, she cannot hear me (something I am thankful for as I emit farts throughout the night. No, that is not my disorder!) She wants me to point my toes, look left and right, close my eyes, and finally to mime that I am eating a big sandwich. I wash down the sandwich with imaginary milk and prepare to snooze. Ok NOW! Sleep… NOW! Doesn’t work that way. I toss and turn for what seems like an eternity. I can hear the nurse through the paper thin walls. I hear the phone ring. I hear my doctor’s voice. Surprising he’s here this time of night.
 
I must have fallen asleep. It’s 5am I learn from the t.v. as I flick it on. The nurse will be here soon to unplug me. I can hear her releasing another sleeper. She tells them how great they look for just waking up. That must be her schpeal. There’s no way I look great. I’ve gone 24 hours without caffeine and have electrodes glued to my head. I’m a freak!
 
I’m glad I don’t have to pee. How long will it take to unhook me? Finally she comes in, chipper as the evening prior. You slept good! Obviously we have differing definitions of a good night’s rest. She lets me visit the restroom before she begins to peel the glue from my body. She advises I condition my hair, and warns that I will soon hate her. What makes her think I don’t already?
 
When she leaves the room, I peel off my jammies (I hope that camera is off!) and slip back into my clothes. I answer a quick survey, and then head to the reception desk. She thanks me for my time, but no, she does not tell me how great I look. Damn. That should be her schpeal. Time to drag my frumpy ass home.
 
• Have you been to the Sleep Lab?
• Are you a Fashion Police officer?

Man Stories

 
I’m a fly on the wall, privy to their stories. Better than a fly as the men look directly into my eyes and know they have my attention. The recipe to loosen their tongues and drop their defenses is alcohol and seclusion.
 
I offer them a beer, crown & water, whiskey & coke.
 
My husband, whom they have actually come to see, heads outside to rotate the horses. One at a time, the horses are removed from their pens and placed in the pasture. They must be separated or fighting ensues. Horses bite each other’s necks and asses, kick each other’s ribs causing internal damage.
 
Alcohol and seclusion.
 
Richard’s Story: Did I tell you about my wife’s and my indiscretions? Yes? How about the time I moved to Oklahoma? I sold all my properties in San Diego and took half a million dollars in cash to O.K. My wife and I returned to San Diego to take care of some business, but what we didn’t know was that my partner was cashing checks for $23,000 every day. By the time we returned, he had gone through $300,000. His house was empty. The warehouse was empty. There was no sign of him. I contacted my lawyer. He said, “What do you want to do? Sue him? He has nothing. You’d end up paying me $10,000 and you’d get nothing from him. I hired a private investigator to find him. He was living in a dilapidated trailer, driving a Pinto. All the money had gone up his nose. There was nothing to gain. I told the P.I. to just cause him enough pain so he would remember me the rest of his life. I saw him years later at a party. He was still using crutches. My wife told me not to cause a scene, so I said, “I won’t, but watch this.” I sidled right up to the guy and said, “How come you never write or call? I haven’t seen you since we were in Oklahoma.”
 
Brian’s Story: Did I ever tell you about the time I was on t.v.? No? I got a call one day from the People’s Court. See, I was building boats, and one guy was having trouble getting his registered. I told him how to do it, but he wasn’t listening. Here’s the deal with People’s Court. They pay everything. If you win, they pay you, and if you lose, they pay your fine. I had nothing to lose. I got myself a pink suit. Pink pants, pink jacket, pink shirt. I covered myself with baby oil, laid out in the sun and got really tan. I walked in there like my shit didn’t stink. What did I care? You know that guy, Rusty? He said afterward that nobody liked me. They thought I was cocky. Yeah, I was there with Judge Wapner. The Wapner. Great old guy. I lost, but see, it backfired on me. People were calling me up saying why should I buy a boat from you?
 
Johnny’s Story: Did I ever tell you about the wedding I went to? I was one of the groomsmen. Me and all my buddies were standing around before the ceremony and this one guy that I didn’t know asked, What’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to you?” Shit, I dunno. We all said our stupid stories, and then this guy tells us that one time, he was in New Orleans and this hot chick seduced him. She brought him up to her room, stripped him naked, tied him to the bed and left. Aw man, he was thinking he was going to have some fun. Oh yeah! So, he’s laying there and this black Batman comes in. How sick is that? He’s raped by a black Batman. I said dude, shut up! Go get yourself some therapy and stop telling that story!
 
Are you ever privy to stories that maybe you shouldn’t hear?
 
Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Meet Carly!

 
So… a dog adopted us. She was trying to end her life on the highway when my husband opened his truck door and told her to get in. She’s pretty perfect: loves the kids, poops & pees outside, doesn’t chase the cats, doesn’t accept ALL the snacks my girls offer her, doesn’t bark. She slept in the kids’ room last night. Who could ask for anything more?
 
I spent a shitload on Iams dry food and a couple of Cesars moist food servings. Of course she needed bowls, some rawhide bones, and a furry toy. I half expected (ok, wholly expected) to see a notice in the paper today about a missing beagle, but so far, nothing. We’re being reserved with our love & affection. Don’t want to fall too hard for the girl until we know she’s ours. See?
 

 
Just wait til she goes boating with us! Or when we dress her up for Halloween! But wait, wait heart. Don’t go overboard yet.
 
She didn’t care for the Iams. I’m going to call their toll-free number and get my dollars back. Today I picked out more food for her. Have you looked at the dog food aisle lately?
 
There’s dry food,
 

 
wet food,
 

 
food in tupperware containers,
 

 
chef’s food,
 

 
and food that your Grandma crock-potted.
 

 
How do you decide? I think I went with the crack of dog food – Kibbles & Bits, Deli Style.
 
• What do you think of our new dog?
• How do you pick a dog food?
• Why didn’t your granny cook something for me in her crock-pot?

Blogging Notes

When I have an abundance of thoughts in my head, I tend to blurt them out in the form of Blogging Notes.
 

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Hubby: I’ve been having some strange dreams lately.
 
Me: Same here!
 
Hubby: Really? What did you dream?
 
Me: I dreamt there were two men on the ground. This lady was squishing one of them with her stilettoed foot, and she threw a couple of towels to the other guy who was about to earn his red wings. Disgusting! So I went into the kitchen and saw two gray bats swimming around a dead kitty in a fish tank. Then I woke up. What was your dream?
 
Hubby: Never mind.
 

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Did you see that L’oreal came out with a roll on make-up? I’m surprised this doesn’t come with spackle.
 

 
The last time I made fun of a cosmetic product, I ended up buying it. Can I interest you in a tube of vibrating mascara that lost its mojo?
 

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I found a cool website! PropertyRoom.com, the police auction site. I lost an hour’s worth of time, easily, browsing the merchandise this morning. I even have a bid in on an item, so I’ll let you know how that goes. Check it out for unbelievably low prices on cameras, jewelry, video games, sports memorabilia, ipods, etc. Its a steal!
 

 
• Having strange dreams lately?
• Can you wait to try roll on make-up?
• Will you be bidding at the Police Auction?

Snow Search 2010

Each winter for the past four years we have gone in search of SNOW. Being an Arizona family, it is rare for us to experience freezing temps. Saturday, after 2 1/2 hours on the road, we reached our destination: Mount Charleston, Nevada, just 35 miles northwest of Las Vegas.
 

 
We were so happy to arrive, and headed straight to the snow play area.
 
We sled.
Warning: Turn your audio down. I’m a screamer. I mean really! Way, way down.
 

 
The girls made snow angels.
 

 
We made a snowman. (The base was already there.) Look at Frosty’s pea head. LOL!
 
As the sun started to set behind the mountain, we made our way down to the Mount Charleston Resort. It’s a lovely hotel with a restaurant, bar, gambling, spa, and dvd rentals, but no elevators.
 

 
After check-in, Tom headed down to the bar to watch football, the girls watched a Tom & Jerry dvd in our room, and I signed in to the wi-fi. Thank goodness for Hulu! I watched an SNL clip (Snookie), a Chelsea Lately clip (Holly Madison was dissing Criss Angel), and I forget what else. Just some mindless mumbo-jumbo that helped me unwind.
 
The girls wanted to wear dresses to dinner, so I helped them into their outfits. Just then, Tom returned from the bar. Perfect timing! Off we went to dinner. It was so scrumptious, but service was very slow. They must make each dish to order. On a positive note, our waitress bought Natalie and Pearl’s drawings for a dollar each. Check out these happy entrepreneurs!
 
Sunday morning we had breakfast at the Mt Charleston Lodge near the summit. The girls colored, but there were no takers for their artwork. Tom tried to double his money, but no such luck. Breakfast was delicious and served quickly.
 

 
We repeated Saturday’s *S* activities: sledding & snow angels (no snowmen). I’d like to say the rest of the day went off without a hitch, but as we made our way down the mountain, we got a flat tire. Chances are, if you run over a snowball and your tire pops, it wasn’t a snowball!
 
• Are you a screamer?
• Do you get much snow?
• Do you like to play in it?

Found Montana in Arizona

On Wednesday, my youngest daughter, Pearl, and I ventured to Lake Havasu City to see Montana Lady Golfer. Montana and I have been friends on MySpace and Facebook for about a year.
 
Montana gave us a warm welcome, jumping up & down and giving us hugs upon arrival. Once inside her lovely home, Montana served my favorite wine (sauvignon blanc), crackers, and an assortment of delicious cheeses! I hand delivered a package of fruits & cheese to Montana from her 2009 Secret Santa. Montana was so pleased and said it was the perfect gift.
 
Ever so thoughtful, Montana carefully opened a fishing game and challenged Pearl to a round. Pearl mopped the floor with her, but our host may have thrown the game.

Time to hop into Montana’s convertible and drop her hubby off at the golf course. Then we girls were off for Fast Food and Shopping.

Pearl loves McDonalds, and was excited to have an Alvin & The Chipmonks Happy Meal. We took the scenic route to the new mall, and Montana spoiled Pearl with a Deluxe Bead Kit and 3 smaller bead sets from Michael’s.
 
A leisurely drive across the London Bridge led us to The Naked Turtle for beach time!

We found a few shells & pretty rocks, and got our tootsies wet. It was a beautiful day with temps in the high 60’s. Something about playing on the beach makes you hungry. The Beach Bar was undergoing some renovations, but the restaurant upstairs was open. Wow is their food GOOD!! We shared orders of calamari and fish & chips while Pearl had an ice cream sundae.

This day just FLEW by! It was nearly 5pm, and we had to pick up Montana’s hubby from the golf course. I hope he had a good day!
 
Montana wrapped up some shish-kebobs for Pearl and I to take home. We were running out of daylight, and my hubby and eldest daughter were at home awaiting on return.
 
Natalie and Pearl are still having a GREAT time making bracelets & necklaces. Tom and I are grilling the kebobs tonight!
 
 
• Have you been to Lake Havasu?
• Do you let children beat you at games?
• What’s on your shish-kabob?
 

Best Post of the Week

 
I received the Best Post of the Week award from Purple Hatter (talented artist and creator of this award) and Doraz (whose positive attitude will consistently lift your spirits). Thank you both!
 
Here are the rules that accompany this award:
1.) The award recipient cannot accept this award ever again.
2.) The award must be passed to 3 other blogs within 1 week.
 
I will present this award to bloggers within the MySpace community and those in the WordPress community.
 
BEST POST OF THE WEEK – WordPress
 
Gary’s World for Snuggie Envy.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Girl from the Ghetto for Lamest New Year’s Eve Ever contest.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Mai Laws for Another reason why I hate Nirvana.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
BEST POST OF THE WEEK – MySpace
 
Bewitched for I’ve got feet that dingle dangle dingle.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Poot for It’s all Amy’s fault.
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Nicole for Funniest Sitcom Character: Archie vs. Raymond.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
If you need a chuckle today, be sure to check out these posts. As always, thanks for stopping by!

Great Christmas of ‘09

Merry Christmas! I hope you had a wonderful holiday. Ours was magical as we were visited by not only Santa Claus but also the Tooth Fairy. I’d love to have been a fly on the wall when those two met up in our home. I asked the kids to write a story or draw pictures of that event, but neither of them went for it.

We took a ton of pictures and video which I condensed to 2 minutes and 10 seconds. I have to give huge kudos to iLife software. MAC makes it so easy to edit, add music, and share. If you know of similar software for the PC, let me know. One of my friends is shopping around for an easy editing program.

Here’s a photo I took Christmas night outside of our bar room. I like how the back yard is reflected in the window, and how you can see straight through and out the window on the opposite side of the room. So much to take in all at once.

• How was your Christmas?