The Frenchman Who Abandoned Me (Updated)


This blog was originally posted on MySpace October 3, 2008. It was my submission to the now defunct Group Blogging Experience (GBE). The hostess, Alicia, would suggest a word each week, and participants would define the word with stories, photos, poems, etc. The blogs were linked by Alicia, and new friendships were formed.
 
An update to this story has been added at the bottom. Thanks for reading!

 
GBE 56 – ABANDON
 
We hired a carpenter.

Not really him.


 
He’s french.
 

Not too stereotypical.


 
He has done work for us in the past.
 

Mantel, tiled fireplace, entertainment center, and bar.


 
Yesterday he swung by the house to begin installing our new entertainment center. All the pieces were brought into the room. We thought, in a few hours, everything would be in place. But no. He had to go pick up his son, and promised to be back.
 

Don't believe him.


 
Hours passed. He did not return.
 
His son called.
 

You did not know I was so fluent in French.


 
Mon Dieu! No, we don’t know where your father is.
 
Then his cat phoned.
 

Have you ever tried consoling a cat over the phone?


 
Day turned into night. The carpenter never returned.
 
If anyone can read these plans…
 

Zee plans.


 
… and figure out how to complete the project…
 

Install the secret door so we can hide behind the t.v.


 
… we would be forever grateful.
 
F.Y.I. ~ The last time he abandoned the project, we found him in front of a slot machine.
 

Sacre Bleu! You 'ave found me!


 
 


 
UPDATE 02/20/10: The Frenchman professed to being pulled away by a family emergency so secretive even his own son and cat were not made aware of it. I still see him from time to time, wandering the grocery store in his unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt, chest hair wild and unkempt in stark contrast to his precisely-groomed mustache. I imagine him muttering under his breath, “Zere iz zee beach ooh scorned moi.”, but thankfully he doesn’t notice me.
 
My husband trolled a local bar for a cheap replacement who would finish the job for cash. After much coaxing, he finally found a taker, and our entertainment center was completed. The secret door allowing access to the space behind the t.v. was never installed, bursting my dreams of hiding from the children and having wild sex with the television blaring. Or maybe just hiding from the children and sitting quietly in the corner.
 

Completed but not the ultimate hiding place.


 
β€’ Has a Frenchman ever let you down?
β€’ Do you take part in blogging groups?
β€’ Where do you hide from the children?

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41 Comments

Filed under Humor

41 responses to “The Frenchman Who Abandoned Me (Updated)

  1. OMG Jean, now I know why I liked your so much! The update is even more hysterical than the origial and that was pretty fu%#in funny!

    LMAO @ ” bursting my dreams of hiding from the children and having wild sex with the television blaring. Or maybe just hiding from the children and sitting quietly in the corner.”

    I’ve never known a Frenchman!
    I miss that blogging group. I thought she might come back at some point or someone else would take it over. We should start a blogging group Jean. Ya know…cuz we don’t have enough crap to do now πŸ˜‰
    Does a vodka bottle count as a hiding place?

  2. lol. sooo funny. but not since it happened to you. I watch the people’s court. I see a lot of contractor cases. can you imagine say, if he was going to do a whole room in your house? gahhhh!!! Makes me not wannnabe french. well, technically I’m half french canadian.

  3. Those creepy children from “The Village of the Damned”, you mean? Nowhere, they’re telepathic. Or something.

  4. Celine

    GBE is no longer?… I remember the year anniversary. And then, um… Life?

    I remember this one. TOO funny! We get the casino escapees too. Tribal here… Too bad you didn’t get your secret hidding door!..

    • Sherri – Thank you!! I can’t believe it’s been nearly 2 years since we hired that guy. Eh, make it 3 years. He procrastinated a lot! I miss that blogging group too. It was fun to see the different examples of just 1 word. Yeah, we SHOULD form a blogging group. First word, Vodka (and you can describe how we hide inside of it). Bwahahahahaha!

      Sweetiegirlz – I’m glad we only hired him for small jobs. He REALLY became a slacker by the end. He walked away from his final payment, but we did let him come back for his tools. No shame in being French Canadian. πŸ˜€

      Dennis – Crap! Now I want that secret door more than before!! Know of any talented carpenters on the cheap?

      Celine – GBE is gone. I can’t recall if someone tried to take it over. Now there is A.N.D. (a new day) and some x-rated one, T.X.T. I think. Well, as x-rated as you can get on MS. I like your suggestions on FB for how I can escape the kiddos! LOL!

  5. I’ve tried hiding in bed (too obvious), in the basement (too cold), in the laundry room (undone laundry guilt), in the car (not enough food) and under the kitchen table (gross, too much food). The kids always find me. None of them work for sex either.

    Never trust the French.

  6. Oh. And hilarious post, by the way.

  7. Kristin, YOU are so funny! We have more in common than you realized. I too hate housework and wanted to be a cat when I was little. LOL! Thank you for finding me and commenting.

    Hi Steph! Thank you!

  8. Hahaha! Sooo funny! Sorry about your carpenter woes, but glad you found someone to complete your project. It looks great.

    About your Anne Frank hide-away…looks like you’ll have to settle for sex in front of the kids with the TV blaring. LOL

    To answer your questions.
    No.
    No.
    Sadly, no.

  9. Mon Dieu! Say it ain’t so….the French are so rude! LOL!

    Great post, I cracked up!

    Plus, the entertainment center looks really nice. You could always throw the kids over the top. Might take them a while to climb out. πŸ™‚

    • Hi Tammy! Thanks! It wasn’t easy convincing someone to come over and lend a hand. Thankfully hubby was persistent. Hahaha- sex in front of the kids. Have you no shame? LOL!

      Angelia – Those Frenchies are tres rude, you’re right. LOL! Thanks for laughing. That is the highest compliment! Throw the kids over the top…. you are on to something!

  10. Sacre Bleu! Very funny. Thanks πŸ™‚

  11. Joy

    You really do crack me up Jean. To be able to take something like this and make it funny is truly commendable. It would PISS ME RIGHT OFF if someone walked off leaving me with an unfinished project. You deserve the GOLD.

    I used to try hiding but those damn kids always found me.

    Terrific post. How you been sleeping???

  12. S. Le

    Hilarious post!

    A:
    1. No
    2. No
    3. I used to go into our bedroom and shut the door. Nobody was allowed in. Period. Now they are grown and they have to hide from me! Turn-about is fair play ya know!

  13. wow,
    I am enlightened and tickled by your cool humor.
    what a talent!
    it reads like a professional power point presentation, only it is funnier, wittier, and happier…

    U Rock!
    Happy Sunday to U!
    πŸ˜‰

  14. Best wishes for your future experiences.
    It is cool to be able to have FUN after all the details or disappointment on unfinished projects.
    thank u for sharing!

  15. Hi Jean. I have returned! I have really enjoyed this post and all of your photos! You are sooo creative! I think it runs in your family! πŸ™‚ Have an eventful and fun week! πŸ™‚

  16. Good Luck in the future experiences,Jean! πŸ™‚
    This post is great!You have lot of imagination πŸ˜‰

    Have a special day,mon amie!

    • Hi Joy! Thanks. I was ticked off at the Frenchman, but decided to give it a twist. Who really wants to come over here and listen to me complain? LOL! I’ve been sleeping GREAT! I went 3 nights without snoring. Then I skipped the spray on the 4th night without telling hubby. In the morning he said, “That stuff doesn’t work. You snored last night.” Ha! So, I’m back on it and don’t plan to skip again. Thanks for asking!

      S.Le, I can’t wait to turn the tables on my kids! Where are you off to, young’uns? LOL!

      Jingle, thank you so much for all of your positive comments and for the Star Award!!

      Luisa, welcome home! Awww, thanks for all the nice things you say. πŸ˜€

      Hello 2a24 (Let me know if I should call you by another name.) It is always so good to see you. Thank you for saying I have lots of imagination. You leave me beaming! πŸ˜€

  17. Lynn

    this was a very creative post jean. been shopping lately?

  18. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SELECT AN AWARD YOU WOULD LIKE FOR YOUR GREAT BLOG THAT I HAVE ON MY BLOG! πŸ™‚ PLEASE PASS IT ALONG……. CONGRATS TO YOU!

  19. Deb

    I know a Frenchman…his name is “Frenchie”, really Richard, and he is, shall we say, not the brightest crayon in the box. But he has a beautiful complexion and a warm heart. We worked together for several years. He was married 4 times the last time I saw him…hard to tell how many more. The last I heard he lived in TX and working on number 5!
    This is a great blog…wonderfully entertaining.

  20. it is freaking funny and awakening to review your post over and over.
    loved the cat in a hat (cap)!
    giggles,
    Best!
    πŸ˜‰ πŸ˜‰

  21. πŸ˜‰
    πŸ˜‰
    Happy Wednesday!

  22. Hahaha, Jingle! I’d better post a new blog soon so you don’t have to keep viewing the Cat In The Hat. LOL!

    Hi Lynn. I just did some internet shopping. I’m waiting on my new Flip Ultra to arrive. πŸ™‚

    OMG, Luisa! Thank you! I’ll be by to select an award and pass it along. What an honor!

    Hi Deb! Our Frenchman goes by the name Frenchie too. LOL! Yours sounds like a good man and a heart-breaker! Thank you for the compliments. πŸ˜€

  23. This is not a comedy blog I assume but this post had me laughing so hard…. Your writing is unique and fantastic

  24. Jean, you are too funny. I hear horror stories like this; but since we live in a condo that comes straight out of the 80s we haven’t faced the “challenges” of hiring help to do stuff. Well, I got handrails installed and it cost us a ton. But for this dude to dump and run, so unkind.

    My friend lives in LA and has a secret room behind his entertainment center. He stores like $60,000 worth of collectible toys in there, which is pretty cool. But I like your secret hiding spot FOR the kids idea. I live in a tiny place and have no where to hide. Hate it!

    • Hi Girl from the Ghetto – It really wasn’t nice of the carpenter to take off like that. I’m glad my husband was able to convince someone to complete the job. I would have been at my wits end.

      Oh man! You friend is SO LUCKY to have a secret room!! I’m jealous.

  25. smiles r all over your place.
    Best blog!

  26. omg, you are a very funny blogger!

  27. Ji

    http://jingleyanqiu.wordpress.com/2010/04/20/wow-you-are-a-celebrate-blogger-on-award-for-march/

    3 awards,
    one on humor,
    one on art or painting,
    plus

    you are a super star award,
    thank you.

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