Big American Breasts

Once upon a time, I wanted to have big American breasts. By the time I reached twenty-one, I felt ready to provide myself with what genetics had overlooked. A particularly buxom acquaintance recommended her plastic surgeon.
I scheduled my appointment, paid the consultation fee, and met with the doctor. Silicone implants in varying sizes lined his desk, and volumes of black binders filled with “before & after” photos adorned his shelves. I was on the precipice of my dream!
I posed for my “before” photo, filled out paperwork and prepared to set the date. That is when the doctor informed me of a “perk” that was the deal breaker. Post-surgery, I would be chauffeured home in a limousine for all the neighbors and lookie-loos to see. Driven through town, heads turning, necks snapping, to see who, in this tiny town of 19,000 was riding in a limo. It seemed utterly mortifying! I wanted a side of dignity and a heaping helping of privacy when I brought my new hooters home.
There would be no implants for me, but things have a way of working themselves out. With time, age and pregnancies, my cups runneth over.
β€’ Has a limo altered your path?
β€’ Did you grow up in a small town?
β€’ Has a doctor ever said/done anything that made you rethink surgery?


Filed under Humor, IMO

56 responses to “Big American Breasts

  1. The small town I lived in had no limo’s or big breasts! I feel deprived! πŸ™‚

  2. Beth

    I’m kinda surgery-phobic, so I’ve never really considered any non-essential procedure. I’ve told my family, though that if I’m ever required to have any sort of abdominal surgery, I want the surgeon to lop off any belly fat he sees before closing me up. I don’t even care if he does a spectacular job–my stretch-marked belly isn’t a thing of beauty as it is, but with less flub, at least I’d look better IN clothes. ;O)

  3. The small town I grew up in changed my life because I wanted to get out of it so bad. Lol.

    Did the limo have the doctors name advertised? I would have been petrified With everyone knowing too.

  4. At least you had “some” breasts. Some women don’t….they are flat. I think surgery is a great option for those women/girls.

    That’s good you were able to live with what you had….I think it is stupid for women to get huge boobs….when what they have are just fine.

    But that’s just an opinion from another woman….I’m sure most men think boob jobs are a gift from God.

  5. I may have to get implants, I’d really love a limo ride home!!!

  6. Sunny Wishes She Were Shopping

    Yep, you’ve got boobs. LOL!

    I didn’t know this story. Pretty funny. Sorry about the limo. That doc didn’t get the whole privacy thing.

  7. Jim – Poor guy, so obviously deprived. I hope you have moved. LOL!

    Beth – That’s an excellent idea! Wish I had thought of it when I had my c-section.

    Angelia – I hope the limo didn’t have an ad for the doctor on it! LOL! I didn’t get that far.

    Hi Trishothinks. I thought I was flat-chested, but looking back at photos, my sense of self was warped. Some women have beautiful, believable breasts, and I’m glad it is an option too.

    Tony – LOL! Don’t forget to scope out the Before & After photos while you’re getting your consultation! πŸ˜€

    Sunny ~ Thanks to Pearl, I’ve got ’em. πŸ™‚ Yep, this was after I broke off my engagement to Bob, and I was in between boyfriends. Still living at home. Didn’t even tell Mom & Dad about it. The limo would have been…. awkward!

  8. Tobi C.

    Ahh…the dream of the big boobs. I, fortunately, have been blessed by the boob goddesses with more than ample ones, so I don’t always understand the fascination or obsession with them.

    Limos, I love limos. Used to have a recurring dream about them! It was kinda weird!

    Love the new blog!

  9. Jean,

    I wasn’t as lucky as you after I had my kids. My cups didn’t “runneth over.” In fact, they shrunk up like two sun dried raisins. lol…sorry for the vivid visual.

    Anyway, two years after the birth of my daughter I went ahead and had augmentation. If my doctor said I had to sit on top of the limo and scream from a megaphone ” I just had my boobs done by Dr. Machamebigger.” I’d have done it anyway! That’s how badly I needed it. My mom who was initially against it, went with me to my surgery and once she saw my predicament, she went home and secretly told my sisters, “yeah, she really needed that.” LMAO.

  10. Big boobs are seriously an American obsession. I’m not sure the rest of the world gives a hoot about the size of a woman’s hooters (aren’t I clever) but we most certainly do, and the standards set by enhanced boobs are utterly ridiculous. How often does nature endow a woman with virtually jiggle-free DD breasts with perfect under-cleavage and sky high nipples? I feel sorry for boys who grow up looking at TV and movies and seeing those Barbie-esque boobies only to be confronted by the reality of the average girls boobs, which just aren’t like that.

    I certainly can’t judge a woman’s decision to do it. Heck, I’ve often thought I’d have breast reduction surgery if I could afford it.

    In the end, I think we’re way too body obsessed. I’d love to have things nipped and tucked and at one point I was rather obsessed with the idea but I’m trying to come to terms with the reality of aging and the fact that I’ve never seen in the mirror exactly the girl/woman I wanted to see. πŸ™‚ I regret the time I’ve wasted worrying about my appearance and I’d like to not do it anymore.

    Fat chance of that.

  11. What a story Jean. πŸ™‚ I lived in a small toen in Central CA. The place was hot…hot…hot. I just wanted to leave…leave…leave. I managed to get away…in a limo. lol πŸ™‚ Have a great week.

    • Tobi – Thank you for swinging by! I need to add your blog to my blogroll. The boob goddesses have indeed blessed you. πŸ˜€

      Sherri – ROFL picturing you with that megaphone on top of the limo!! LMAO at your Mom agreeing! I’m so glad your shriveled raisins are a distant memory.

      Kate – You express yourself so eloquently. I love it. I can relate to trying to cope with aging, and to, so far, avoid the knife.

      Luisa – Thanks. You seriously escaped in a limo?! What are the odds? LOL! That is excellent. You enjoy your week too.

  12. I was once considering getting the gap in my teeth fixed, until the dentist explained it would involve drilling a hole in my jaw, screwing in a post, screwing a fake tooth onto the post, and periodically unscrewing it to check for infection. Ummm, pass.

  13. OMG, a limo ride? You have got to be kidding me. How bizarre. I’ve never considered a hooter enhancement, but a do own a few gel bras that boost up my ta tas.

  14. S. Le

    I didn’t know you’d shopped for boobies! lol

    I did grow up in a small village and continue to live in a smallish city. Everybody knows everybody else’s business.

    Never rode in a limo nor wanted to.

    Only surgeries I’ve had so far have been necessary.

    • Dennis – That surgery sounds horrid! I would stick with having a gap in my teeth too.

      Kristin – Seriously! How absurd, huh? I wonder if he is still in business. Oooooh, gel bras sound like an excellent invention!

      S.Le – Yep, I shopped for boobies, and for a flatter tummy later in life (passed on that surgery too). Sounds like we have a lot in common: no limo rides, small town living, and necessary surgeries.

      Trish – LOL! I wish hubby had his own boobies to play with. Ooops, did I say that out loud?

  15. Your cups runneth over, that’s a good thing. One of the perks of aging. ;+) Funny, that what changed your mind was the limo ride, through your small town. The other day I bought some plastic blue balls from Costco called miracle balls. They are for my aching messed up back. But, one of the first things I had to do was slip them into my T shirt and walk into the living room to see if Navar noticed. Not saying a word I just started to talk to him when he looked up from his work. He said Wow! You look like Jessica Rabbit. Never ever heard that comment in my life. It was a miracle only 11.00 at Costco and they seem to be helping my back too. :+)

  16. This post made me laugh.
    Hurrah for natural boobs, especially those that runneth in old age ;<)

  17. Joy

    Oh Jean, once again you leave me in stitches!! I crack myself up sometimes!! LOL!!!

    I’ve had a few limo rides but never home from any of my surgeries!! LOL!! No, I’m too much of a chicken shit to do anything that I don’t absolutely HAVE to have done. I have never heard of such a thing.

    I live in such a small town that nobody would notice a limo bringing me home from anywhere.

  18. Starla – Hahahahaha! I need to buy some miracle balls!

    Hi MarketingToMilk ~ Thank you! I’m glad to have made you laugh, and am always entertained by your posts.

    Joy ~ That is a SMALL town! I had to think about that for a minute. ROFL! Thanks for swinging by. I still need to try your taco dip. πŸ˜€

  19. see? good things do sometimes come to those who wait… smart big-boobied girl! πŸ˜‰

  20. I just wanted to come by and wish you a very happy time blogging. I will be on vacation. I will do my very best to get to a computer.I may have to leave a quick comment, but you will know I have been by. I will also be checking my blog for comments left. So, if you leave a comment….REMEMBER…Make me SMILE. Thanks to you all.

  21. That doctor wanted more clients. If this is the way he wanted it then opting out was the best solution. Happy your comfortable now.

  22. I think big breasts are like a big nose – they are something that catch the eye, grab attention. The idea, though, that women with big breasts are sexier or preferred by men is I think a huge myth.

    Speaking as a mere male, if you love someone – the size of her breasts is irrelevant. And whether you love someone or not, when you are making love with them, it’s the nipples that are the prime focus of attention when kissing/playing with her breasts – not the amount of fatty flesh they are attached to.

    All breasts, regardless of size and shape, are beautiful.

    Women would be a lot happier if they accepted this rather than beating themselves up over a load of nonsense they are fed by the media

    • You are a rare breed duncanr (for men that is).

      Most men like big bodacious boobs…that’s the FIRST thing they check out on a woman. Trust me, being a woman….I know that to be true.

      • Sedate Me

        You are totally incorrect.

        It is a complete myth that all men prefer big boobs. If it was all about breast size, 350lb women would be on the cover of every men’s mag.

        Most men SAY they want big boobs, just like most women SAY they want nice guys. It’s just meeting a cultural expectation.

        The reality is that most men are dogs that will gawk at every boob they can. Ever see a dog pass on a doggie treat just because it wasn’t “big enough”?

        I didn’t think so.

  23. I’m terrified of big boobs, never wanted them, never will get them.

    I’ve only been in a limo for my senior prom and wedding. I’m not exactly a small town girl, but I’m midwestern, so that must explain it, lol!

    • Hi Duncan – I like your analogy and your input. With those that love me, breast size hasn’t mattered. But along the way, there were a few who ridiculed me and many who wouldn’t give me the time of day for my underdevelopment. In the long run, that doesn’t matter and only helped me to find those who truly love me for me.

      Girl From the Ghetto – I can’t recall ever being in a limo. Either I’ve blocked it from my memory, or it hasn’t happened.

      • Sedate Me

        The kind of people who care about breast size are the kind of people you don’t want to associate with anyway.

        As for the limo ride, if you can’t handle the attention of riding around in a stretch-limo for a day, you sure as shit can’t handle the attention of going around with a pair of stretch-boobies for the rest of your life.

        You made the right call.

  24. Hello Jean. I am back from my trip and busy trying to play catch up. I will be posting some of my photos asap. I hope all is well and happy at your place. πŸ™‚

  25. Happy Belated Father’s Day to Dads in your life…

    • Thank you, Luisa. Will do. I’m sorry to hear that Jingle is under the weather.

      Hi Girl from the Ghetto. Thank you for checking on me. I’ve been working. Completed a 30 second commercial spot for a local women’s council last week, and this week I’m putting together a local tourism dvd. It so rewarding, and I love working with video! It does drain my blogging creativity and eats up my time too. Hopefully I will be back soon.

  26. I have never really thought about making my breasts larger, I prefer to be flat chested. However, if I was to get a wild hair up my ass and turn into a “C” or “D” cup, I wouldn’t want to be paraded around town like the hunchback of Notre Dame or anything like that.

    I have rode in a limo a few times actually. Not because I had my boobs enlarged though.

    I did grow up in a small town in Illinois. I still live in a small town in Illinois. πŸ™‚

    P.S. Daddy is a boob guy. πŸ˜‰


    important information is posted…
    see you later.
    take good care…
    thank you for the comments and encouragement!

  28. Joy Rehnee

    This is very funny. And now that I’m of a certain age, very accurate. It’s true that we should be careful what we wish for though, because gravity is a huge bitch!

  29. I wouldn’t try it to change something at my breasts.I prefere to keep what Mother Nature left me!
    No one is perfect!!
    Great post,dear friend!!
    Thank you for share it with us!!!

    Enjoy the moment! πŸ™‚

    • Gary! Been missing you. Hope you’re having a sh*tload of fun and staying out of trouble.

      Hi Jingle. I hope you are feeling better.

      Hi Joy! Thank you for coming by my blog. I’ve seen you commenting at the other Joy’s blog, and always like what you have to say. Oh yes, gravity is a bitch! ROFL!

      Hi Alina ~ Thank you! I hope you are doing well. Have a joyous weekend.

  30. Where you at girl, where you at?

  31. Now before I comment I can be just as much a sexist pig as the next bloke (is that how the chics call us) but I don’t believe that this type of improvements are needed. If it is something that you desire for oneself ok but not for anyone else.

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