Tag Archives: advice

Go Get ‘Em, Tiger!

Tiger Woods has lost lucrative sponsorship and advertising deals, but he could still come out the winner.

Tiger, you have the opportunity to reach more consumers than ever before. Here are my recommendations for your financial future.

1. Cut a deal with Summer’s Eve. Demand they create a “Smells Like Money!” scent.

2. Accept an offer from Dirt Devil. The sale of dirt bags could triple.

3. Contact The Las Vegas Tourism Board. Your face plus their trademarked phrase equals a match made in heaven.

4. Remake the Austin Powers hit, GoldMember.

5. Pen a Dummies book.

So, what do you say, Mr. Woods? Are you ready to come out of hiding and get back to work?

• Do you think Tiger is listening?
• Love him, hate him, or leave him alone?
• What other products could he endorse?


Filed under Humor

Dear 1989 Jean

Dear 1989 Jean –

You’re a little busy in 2009. If I have to end this letter suddenly it’s because of your children. They just got the new Barbie 3-Musketeers movie, so it’s a little crazy here.

Oh, before I forget, let me be the 1st to congratulate you on your divorce! If it’s not final yet, it will be any day now.

Ok, here are the basics.
Stop perming your hair. You’ll learn to embrace its straightness. 2049 Jean might tell us we’re lucky to have hair at all. I am doing a LOT of coloring.

There’s an old man that comes into the bank. No, not the one you call Droolie. White haired guy, tan, flip-flops, talks about himself a lot. That’s about a 13-year stint.
Now we’re with a hottie! Yes, he’s the father of our children. You’ll know him when you see him. Great guy with the easy smile and big personality. *Keeper!*

Two daughters! Look at you! Hey, live it up. They don’t come along til ’02 and ’04. Don’t freak when your husband wants to name the baby Coast Cabela. He’ll change his mind by the 8th month of the pregnancy.

Everybody’s still alive! Oh, and you’re all still talking. No family feuds.

Eh, it comes and goes. You’re doing fine. Gawd, I hope 2049 Jean doesn’t pipe in here!

• Forget DOS and Larry the Lounge Lizard. You are going to LOVE these futuristic computers! Really, you could sit in front of the monitor all day. Try to be a little better at remembering your friends’ names. You can stalk them on social networking sights.
• Could you skip getting that butterfly tattoo? You’d be surprised what we go through trying to remove it.

I’m not going to tell you it’ll be all fun and games. There are some hard times, but you will survive. Now get out there and make me proud!

Love, 2009 Jean

TAG! You’re it. Write a letter to your 1989 self.

For a poignant take on this, please visit Eric Brooks.
For a heartfelt twist on this tag, visit Sweetiegirlz’s Weblog.
For a beautiful & fun rendition, please visit Bloggin’ Sherri Style.


Filed under Humor