Tag Archives: funny

Best Post of the Week


 
I received the Best Post of the Week award from Purple Hatter (talented artist and creator of this award) and Doraz (whose positive attitude will consistently lift your spirits). Thank you both!
 
Here are the rules that accompany this award:
1.) The award recipient cannot accept this award ever again.
2.) The award must be passed to 3 other blogs within 1 week.
 
I will present this award to bloggers within the MySpace community and those in the WordPress community.
 
BEST POST OF THE WEEK – WordPress
 
Gary’s World for Snuggie Envy.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Girl from the Ghetto for Lamest New Year’s Eve Ever contest.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Mai Laws for Another reason why I hate Nirvana.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
BEST POST OF THE WEEK – MySpace
 
Bewitched for I’ve got feet that dingle dangle dingle.
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Poot for It’s all Amy’s fault.
 
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
Nicole for Funniest Sitcom Character: Archie vs. Raymond.
 
 

 
 
 
 
 
If you need a chuckle today, be sure to check out these posts. As always, thanks for stopping by!

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Wedding Day Blunders

On Sunday December 21st 2003, Tom and I were married in our home, standing near our Christmas tree, with bare minimum of friends & family as our witnesses. One thing we didn’t count on was for the Reverend to be so hurried that he made a couple of mistakes. For one, he asked if I would take Rick. My husband’s name is Tom. Secondly, and probably the greater offense, the Rev. performed the dreaded White Rose ceremony.

Forgive me if you are a fan of the White Rose ceremony. Hubby and I did not request it, and couldn’t believe our eyes when those artificial flowers appeared. Two bogus, long-stemmed roses which must remain together as symbols of our love. If either of us were angry with the other, we were to remove one rose from the vase. Hold up! Vase? These plastic perennials were not getting their own vase! But I digress. Our partner would surely notice the single rose and clear the air.

Over the years the roses have endured much abuse in the hands of our two daughters. The girls have devised their own sport. Fencing with flowers. Invariably each night I mend the flowers and place them atop my dresser mirror.

Somehow the flowers have weaseled their way into my heart, and as strange as it may seem, I am comforted when I see them together. Perhaps they do represent our life. Exhausted and abused by our children daily, finding refuge in our bedroom each night.

Our Wedding Day

Haha! The White Roses made it into this picture!

• What happened at your wedding that you didn’t foresee?
• Are you a fan of fake foliage?
• How do you know your partner is miffed?

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A Haunting @ Chuck E Cheese

Tuesday night while flipping through channels I stopped on Discovery’s Ghost Lab. I haven’t seen many ghost hunter documentaries, but those I have are all hype and zero evidence. Ghost Lab was different. Maybe it was their specialized equipment, or perhaps these two fellows have a real knack for enticing ghosts out of hiding. Yes, they had evidence, but I was still left scratching my head, wondering if it was all a hoax.

Friday rolled around and I had the (ahem) privilege of taking my daughters to a Chuck E Cheese birthday party. It was a long trek across state lines giving me plenty of time to think.

  
Welcome to Ghost Lab. On tonight’s episode, Brad and Barry Klinge investigate a haunted Chuck E. Cheese.

This animatronic mouse is not plugged in to any outlet, yet Chucky’s proprietor has heard a man’s voice coming out of the speaker on several occasions. The Klinge Brothers wait until the sun sets, then enter the establishment to have a little chat with the ghost.

Brad: Let’s be very quiet.
Animatronic Mouse: squealllllll!!!!!!
Barry: Did you hear that? Do it again!
Animatronic Mouse: squealllll!!!!!

Later, in the Ghost Lab, the team analyzes the audio track.

squeallll…… inaudible…… crackle….. squeallll…. inaudible…

Let’s play it again, this time with subtitles.

Brad: Let’s be very quiet.
Ghost: Order up!

The crew goes wild! Order up is pizza lingo! That was definitely our ghost!

Day two, the Klinge Bros. meet a direct descendant of the founder of Chuck E. Cheese.

Founder Descendant: I got up early to take a picture of my friend dressed up like an old time pizzeria employee. When I had the film developed, we saw my great, great, not so great uncle in the background! This is not photoshopped. It’s film, and the image is on the negative. My lips are moving, so it must be true.

The Klinge Bros. decide to set up their special “ghost motion detectors” in the kitchen. As added bait, they bring in their lovely assistant. She dares the ghost to touch her arm. No sooner are the words out of her mouth when the detectors alert us to the presence of the ghost! Everyone grabs their cameras and starts snapping pictures while the bells and whistles continue to sound.

Later, in the lab, each frame of film is analyzed. After many tedious hours of scanning the images, the team hits pay dirt! A “shadow person”is visible in one photo.

There is one more room left to inspect. The haunted toilet! The team yucks it up. What kind of ghost would haunt a public restroom? The detecting devices are in place. Again Brad calls for quiet. There is no apparent sign of the ghost until the audio track is analyzed.

Brad: Let’s have a minute of silence.
Ghost: Geez! Can I get a courtesy flush?

Well, that seals it! This Chuck E Cheese is indeed haunted. The Ghost Lab is heading to a town near you.

This story is based on Ghost Lab’s look at haunted Tombstone. Actual ghost voice recordings were heard (or rather, subtitled) to say, “Choose!” and “Right quick.”
 
• Do you believe in ghosts?
• Have you seen Ghost Lab?
• How much credence do you give to recorded ghost voices?


Update: Here is a scene from Ghost Lab: Portrait of an Apparition. Click Me!

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Spongebob Impersonation

Here it is! The much anticipated Spongebob Impersonation video! Yes, Patrick, Squidward, and even Sandy make an appearance. I apologize in advance for sticking my chest in your face at the end there. Maybe it will earn me more brownie points though.

Comments are welcome. Be kind!

You could also leave an anonymous opinion thanks to poll daddy!

Who or what do you impersonate?

Thanks for reading!

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I Fake It ~ Do You?

I’m boycotting Nerds. You shouldn’t need a shopvac to clean up a candy spill.

Make sure you specify Nerd Candy when you google. Otherwise your retnas will be burned by this:

Speaking of candy, our neighbor kicked his *substance-abusing* girlfriend out again. He gave us her huge bag of assorted Dove chocolates plus an industrial-size box of chocolate liquors. Is it wrong to eat a banished crack-whore’s chocolates?

One of my exes used to make goulash. I’m thankful that I will never eat it again. You know those meals that you fake/enjoy? Maybe I’m the only one. I can’t think of a meal Tom cooks that I fake/enjoy, but I’m starting to think he fake/enjoys my cheesy hashbrowns. I saw his full serving (plus the leftovers) in the trash. He’s the one that suggested I melt cheese on top. Cheese helps everything…. except for my hashbrowns apparently.   

I’ve been thinking of my next videoblog. Not a tutorial, but my impersonations of Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward. I might even throw in Sandy the Squirrel. What if my impersonations are way off? Will you tell me if I suck, or will you fake/enjoy it?   

How are you spending this fine Father’s Day weekend?

Thanks for reading!

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Insomnia Notes + Pimp Zone

3:00 o’clock in the morning, I’m jolted awake by large viking wielding an axe in my dining room. I hop out of bed, heading to the kitchen to make sure it was all just a dream. There’s no sign of him. Maybe I woke too soon. Who’s to say a viking dream is bad?

I wonder how my virtual crops are doing? I’m a farmer on Facebook. Do real farmers lie awake at night, wondering how their crops are doing? I was (virtually) devastated when my (virtual) grapes died on the vine.

If sharting is shit + farting, what’s peeing when you sneeze? Peez? Sneed?

Speaking of Facebook applications, my daughters love to sprinkle fairy dust on my friends. I always type a little note to accompany the sprinkling. “I love you. I love to sprinkle you.” — signed Pearl (4) and Natalie (6). Jean (43) doesn’t do too much sprinkling or writing of the mushy notes.

Have you been to VideoJug.com? Here’s just a sampling of the videos they offer.


Life Explained ~ On Film

I wouldn’t be surprised if they explained how to boil water. I’d like to submit a video. Maybe a photoshop tip or a makeup tip for women over 40. I was mesmerized one evening while a woman showed me how to apply eyeshadow like Britney Spears. At least she wasn’t teaching me how to cut my hair like Britney.


The Britney Eye (clickable link).

Pimp Zone


If you have not already had the pleasure of reading Amylicious, run, don’t walk, to her blog. Here’s one I found particularly hilarious: Buzz Kill.

Amy just recently launched a blog outside of MySpace. You can find it here: Amy’s Musings.

Have a fantastic weekend, and thanks for reading!

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Vampire Lestat Wine

In 1995, author Anne Rice joined forces with Babcock Winery of Lompoc, California to produce a wine worthy of the name Lestat, Rice’s lead vampire. Rice’s husband, Stan, a noted artist and poet, designed the wine labels for Cuvee Lestat Syrah and Chardonnay.

The following year, Babcock Winery and the Rices combined their talents again to produce these red and white wines, as well as a bordeaux, all bearing the Lestat name. Reports vary, estimating between 150 and 200 cases of Syrah were produced, selling for $30-$35 per bottle.

1996 was the last year the Lestat wines were produced.

It was always in the back of my mind, as a huge Anne Rice fan, to obtain a bottle of her wine. In 1995, I was traveling around on a fixed income with little internet access. In 1996, the same was true. The two years Anne’s wine was easily attainable through her website and relatively affordable, I was unable to make the purchase.

Fast forward 14 years. I’m at the McDonalds’ drive-through, and then BK’s, picking up Happy Meals for my daughters. Natalie’s toy prize was a pair of Pink Panther sunglasses, while a Hello Kitty digital watch greeted Pearl at the bottom of her bag. A few minutes later, I’m handed my non-emotional meal at Taco Bell. One of my daughters asked, What’s your prize? What is my prize? The wheels were turning. What would be a prize suitable for an adult?

When we arrived home, I plopped myself in front of the computer, dipping nachos with one hand, surfing with the other. Most prizes are themed around the release of movies.

Movies
Adult movies
Horror movies
Animation…. bingo!

Coraline Nike Dunks. If they were handed to us with our Happy Meal, I doubt they would be selling for $3,432.56 on ebay. Less than 1,000 were produced. Movie goers searched for clues following the credits of Coraline for a chance to win a pair of these unique sneakers.

Moving on.

Girl Flicks… bingo!

Confessions of a Shopaholic make-up palette. More attainable than the Nikes, yet the lipstick may not fare too well pressed against my warm taco… and I mean that in the most non-sexual way. Created by Too Faced Cosmetics, retails for $29.50.

Vampire movies… click! Lightbulb moment! Lestat wine!

Googling led me to two sellers. One had posted an entry at the Amazon.com Vampire Romance Discussion Forum. Who knew that even existed? The seller, MJ, had two bottles, and was open to establishing a price. The other seller has 5 bottles, one of each Lestat wine produced, and was (still is) asking $7,550 firm for the collection. Needless to say, I began communicating with MJ.

22 emails and 7 weeks of negotiations…. free
1995 Cuvee Lestat Syrah plus shipping…. $125.00
Fulfilling a dream…. priceless


Should I drink it?

Thanks for reading!

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Sugary Sweet Childhood Fears

Things that frightened me as a child seem laughable as an adult. Thank goodness I matured, and realized what was plausible and what was not. Perhaps that is where childhood fear comes from, thinking that anything is possible.

• SCARY MOVIES •

When I was a child, we used to watch Creature Features. This was a late night television show which aired old black & white films. One movie, The Vulture, was particularly frightening to me. The storyline involved a man who had bird legs. I could have sworn he hid his creepy legs under a blanket while he sat in a wheelchair, but a brief synopsis I read says he wore a large coat. Regardless, at night he would swoop down and prey on innocent victims. Not long after seeing this movie, a huge stork flew over my house, and I would have bet money it was the bird man!


Here he is, visually assaulting the public. Where is his coat now?


• SCARY RIDES •

The Adventure Thru Inner Space ride at Disneyland scared me senseless! It wasn’t the ride itself, but the dread of being disintegrated! Here’s how the ride was described; “While waiting in line, you see other guests enter one end of the Mighty Microscope, appear near the opposite end only a few inches tall, and finally disappear entirely. Now it’s your turn.” WTH? No thanks! I begged and pleaded with my parents not to go on this ride! Even at age 2, I knew I preferred living and breathing over whatever fate awaited me in the “Microscope Of Doom”! Could I talk sense into them? Of course not. It STILL haunts me.


Disney’s *Prepare to Meet Your Maker* ride. Have your signed consent form ready!


Do you have some fears to get off your chest?

Thanks for reading!


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Ducks Run Amuk

Spring Break began with promise of sweet adventures! Natalie volunteered to watch the classroom bunny, so Friday afternoon Shakespeare joined our little family.

Saturday morning, I made a big batch of pancakes. Sure, I planned to fill our bellies, but I also wanted to put a pancake on Shakespeare’s head ala this little internet sensation.


The bunny wouldn’t cooperate, but we had all week. Right?

After breakfast, we headed to the local Duck Derby. Tom was recruited to help launch the 5,000 rubber duckies into the Colorado River. This was a charity event which raised $20,000 for The American Cancer Society.

Our first hurdle was waiting for the river to rise enough for the boats to launch. The event was scheduled for 10am, but the water wasn’t high enough until noon. Our second hurdle was agreeing where to dump the duckies. Original instructions declared the pipe line as the dumping zone. We made our way to the pipe line, following a boat carrying a few of the event coordinators. To our surprise, the boat continued up the river, depositing two ladies & two babies off at a beach. The men in the boat yelled for us to dump our duckies here, way up river! Didn’t seem like a good idea, but who were we to argue? In go the duckies!


Tom driving our boatload of ducks.


Aerial of the Colorado River.

The idiot who had a harebrained idea.


Instead of catching the flow to float across the finish line, the ducks swirled towards the Nevada shores, nestling into the tulies and beaching themselves on the sand.

Jet skiers, kayakers and canoeists attempted to herd the wayward duckies towards the Arizona finish line.

Herders (ya, right!)


We scooped up about a dozen ducks in a net, and dropped them just upstream of the finish so that winners could be declared. We then spent the next 2 1/2 hours scooping ducks from the river.


Event coordinators are now urging the public to help retrieve ducks from the river. The coast guard has threatened to fine the event hostess, Loretta of Lazy Harry’s Bar & Grill, $50 per duck for littering.


Actual reward is 1 raffle ticket per duck. Prize undetermined.


We would have returned to the river, but we became infected with THE FLU. We have never in our lives been so ill! Although I lost 5 lbs and Tom lost 20, I would not recommend the flu to anyone!

More disappointing than not being able to scoop ducks, is running out of time to put a pancake on Shakespeare’s head!



How was your Spring Break?

Thanks for reading.

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Jesus Really DOES Save!

This morning, on Tom’s return trip from dropping Natalie off at school, he was pulled over for speeding. As he was waiting for the officer to do whatever it is officer’s do, Tom noticed something odd in his rear view mirror. “That’s something you don’t see every day”, Tom remarked to the officer. What caught their eye? A man pulling a huge cross along the highway. The cop took one look at Tom and said, “Today’s your lucky day. Now that we’ve seen Jesus, I’m going to let you go with a warning.”

Tom came home with a gleam in his eye, and I immediately knew something was up. Neither of us could believe his luck! But wait! He hadn’t taken a picture! The man couldn’t have gotten far, so Tom grabbed a camera and headed out. Didn’t take Tom long to find him hauling his cross (which conveniently has wheels on the bottom) further into town. Tom pulled over and snapped his photo. The man waved, approached Tom, and said the photo would cost him one dollar.

The two struck up a conversation. Tom is so personable, and apparently so is the man with the cross. Turns out his name is Cross Carrier Chuck, and he has been walking across the United States since 2000. It’s a ten year mission, and at the end of it, he’s going to write a book.

Tom gave C.C. Chuck (and his cross) a ride to Laughlin, and enough money to buy him a decent breakfast at any one of the casinos. Chuck’s next destination is, appropriately enough, Sin City.

Thanks for reading!

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